I’ve promised myself never to delete a blog post. I want to delete what I wrote a few hours ago because it was so scattered and all over the place and in the heat of my frustration… now that several hours of calming down have passed I feel like I can articulate my frustration much better. This blog site is meant to be read and written as a personal journal. If I start deleting posts because i think it was completely absurd then it no longer stands as a journal. It becomes a much more edited and therefore less honest look at myself and my life.
The reality is that I am not as unhappy with my life as Jax is… he is wholesale rejecting it and said “I hate our life right now” which is awful to hear when you didnt realize that it was that bad. Hell… I was gone for almost a month and he did nothing towards maing himself happy while I was away! Why cant he do the things he wants to and be honest about them so that he isn’t miserable and blaming me for it? (Now I am just lashing out and upset) but it does seem odd to me that he doesn’t take care of his own needs but i suppose a lot of things happened when he fell into being a caretaker for me.
Finally, Jax & I might not survive through all of this latest hub-bub and agony. He needs to spread his wings after dealing for so long with my f…ing diseases. I need … well, whatever it is that I need I can assure you that I am not currently getting it. There’s no way to be this miserable mentally and be okay with everything. I know there’s no ideal Read the rest of this entry »
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