INSOMNIA AND JAX

It;s no shocker that I have insomnia.  My doctor has actually given up on me.  I am going to confront him tomorrow about this issue.  Just because I have 4 chronic diseases is no reason to tell me that “some people just have to live with it and find alternate times to sleep”.  Bullshit!  I don’t believe that’s the truth!  I think he’s just totally given up on me.  I’ve tried so many different types of sleeping meds but after 2 car accidents I am very concerned.  The Dr’s said that the meds I already take for my health problems (mainly chronic pancreatitis) are conflicting with the sleep meds.  So does that mean we should throw the towel in and give up???  I have been sleepwalking for just over a year now and find it all so odd. Is it due to any of my medications?? enbrel? my intrathecal pump?

I am so tired of doctors that give up on patients that confuse them.  I’ve never said anything odd or strange in any of our appointments.  He’s luckily convinced that I am not bi-polar.  He IS convinced that I have sever PTSD – post-traumatic stress disorder from a very unlucky childhood/adulthood  that has been riddled with violence from other family members.  It’s so easy for the Dr’s to say that this is the cause of all of my health problems.  BUT this doesn’t solve anything.  In fact, it perpetuates the saga of not getting proper treatment. Plus I have no clue what to eat now that I’ve got CP AND diabetes.  Is there a list of foods to eat and to stay away from if you have BOTH of those diseases?  WHY is my body falling apart??

I’m so frustrated today and know that I’ve got to have my game-face on tomorrow.  Wish me luck!  BTW I’ve had a few emails from you readers out there that are going through a similar journey with multiple-chronic health issues and insomnia.  It is nice to know I am not alone  -  but the truth is that right now in my chair outside on the patio getting bitten by mosquitos – I am all alone.   I have to solve this issue almost alone.  (My Jax has offered to help if I need to call him in the middle of the meeting).

 

So one last note here- this one is about Jax, who is currently my ex-boyfriend – *sigh*.  Last weekend he told me that he doesn’t think we will ever get back together because he can never go through the trauma of my health issues the way he did when we were together.  BUT now he lives one apartment away and he sees the full picture now.  For some reason he thinks there is some secret pain that I expose when i am on my own.  There’s nothing I can do to convince him otherwise except to live my life to its fullest.  I want to become that old me again – that thin awesome go-getting me.  I am close to the go-getting me again – once I decided to live again and stopped begging to die.  I re-started my business and re-hired a new assistant last month.  I brought on interns and am kicking some serious ass.  BUT I am exhausted and have no time for anything again.  I can hardly keep up with the things that are urgent.  I’m massively behind on most everything.  I haven’t eve started on getting my SSI/SSDI paperwork together. UGH!! But back to Jax – -

 

Yes, a year has gone by since he split up with me and I am still in love with him.  We do so much together I don’t know how I wouldn’t be.  He’s on my team and in my court.  he still goes to critical Dr appointments with me.  I am moving on… but since I don’t know if I’ll live long or short – what should I do?? Give up and find another wonderful mate? Some say I should… others think it is better to continue loving the one mate that has always been there for me – and the hope is that he’ll eventually come around.  I’ll just say that it’s not looking good right now.  Jax seems pretty certain we won’t ever be a couple again.  I just said “your loss”!  And I mean it too.  He’s worried that I am too fragile.  Too fragile!!!! Not even close!  Think about all of the hardcore energy I’ve had to maintain in order to get my career back on its  feet again.   So I’ll focus there- on my career for the time being and hope I live long enough to see how this all plays out.

Love, Sasha  xoxoxox  Gonna try to sleep.

LA/Hollywd 11/14 Support Group

Click on link to sign up:
http://www.meetup.com/The-Hollywood-Chronic-Pain-Support-Group/

The Los Angeles/Hollywood Chronic Pain Support Group

Meet someone JUST LIKE YOU.
WHEN: Saturday, November 14th, 2009 from 11am-1pm.
WHERE: Meeting place is 2 Blocks from Sunset and Vine.
Come make new friends!

The Los Angeles / Hollywood Chronic Pain Support Group was established to get together once a month to talk intimately about life, love, and living with Chronic Pain. For us, it is important to have a safe monthly gathering place for anyone suffering from chronic pain. We share our triumphs, hurdles and pain.

We encourage attendees to share about how they soothe themselves during flare-ups, how they manage work and play, and how they juggle the body and mind in the hopes that we each can find new ways of getting out of pain for longer periods of time. Our main purpose of meeting is simply to have a place to discuss the REAL issues we each face.

 

In an intimate setting we’ll share our experience, strength, and hope with one another. We’ll discuss the hurdles we really face of living with chronic pain. The frightening reality of intimacy, the reality of relationships, managing a job or boss, and positive ways that we’ve found to cut down on our pain. The group’s focus is to discuss issues we face living with chronic pain for any reason – some my have Lupus, others may have had an injury. I have Lupus, Rheumatoid Arthritis, Chronic Pancreatitis, and Diabetes Type 2.

Hi! I’m Sasha, and I started this meetup because I’ve been wanting to be a part of chronic pain support group for a very long time. I seem to always miss the meetings in my area or the meeting seems to touch on items I’m not really interested in–so I’ve decided to start one.

The meetings are currently being held at in an artist loft’s building in Hollywood. The meeting format is in an intimate, safe environment,