The Early Signs

10 09 2007

veeabs.jpgSince 2002 I always limped for about an hour after a movie or sitting still. My left leg was weak and I started having trouble getting out of bed. I thought it was the effects of painkillers and pancreatitis. A few docs asked why I was limping but it all seemed too complicated when I discussed these rogue symptoms. It made me sound crazy that I had so many issues. I stopped mentioning the left side numbness and the limping and the morning pain altogether. I refused to be seen as crazy.

I knew I was an overachiever and agreed it must be the stress…but it did seem odd to me that I could hardly go down the stairs without help from Jax. I felt 90 yrs old.

I’ve now visited the whole round of doctors and ended up at a rheumatoid arthritis. She’s harsh for my taste and taken loads of tests. she even tells me that the only reason she’s going through all of this is because my blood marker for inflammation is four times a normal person. I know she’s a great doctor, but once again my personal taste just needs to stay out of it. If I had let my personal taste dictate my pain doctor then I would never have gotten decent care. Instead i was finally getting out of pain for pancreatitis for the first time in my life. In fact, I believe the pancreatitis has gone to a further place in my mind since the Feb. surgery and it might be the reason I’m feeling all of these new symptoms so clearly.

The Rh. doc is concerned i might have lupus. I seem to have a lot of the same symptoms. I thought I had that infamous butterfly rash about a year ago. I don’t know what is true or not true anymore. All I know is I want to feel less grumpy and I want my life back! I want to be at work all day uninterrupted from these bills, appts, and doctor check-ins.

The Rh. doc even got on my case about canceling an appt. Okay, I did cancel but it was because the prednisone had made me so f–ing dizzy that I thought it was a bad idea to drive!

Ugh! I want my life back.

Feeling helpless,




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