Now I’ve been on prednisone for 1 month and I feel so “yucky” and fat. I’ve NEVER been overweight in my entire life and I can’t handle this well. I feel like a lump. It’s the perfect word to describe my sentiments now. Ironically, Prednisone helps the swelling go down dramatically. Without it I can’t seem to get out of bed – but with it I feel grumpy and I loathe this right now. It packs on pounds no matter what I do. I hate it so much. What recourse do I have? This is disgusting. I’m now starting to sweat all over my pillow each night. What’s going on here?
I go to my pain management doctor’s appt. He tells me I look preggers (3rd time for that sweet comment. I explain and he tells me that prednisone redistributes the fat in our body and makes the belly huge and the legs skinny. He said it’s an evil medication in that way. But there are no alternatives right now. Luckily, he switched out my prescription for zanaflex with a generic I can get. (The pharmacy told me there were no generics and asked for $100-something!! I always refuse in those situations and then ask the doctor for a cheaper alternative. They don’t mind doing it). The doc makes me feel so ugly. He grabs my pump like it’s a dog bone and I groan. I mean the fricking thing is inside my body for chrissake!!!
Prednisone: My dog took it once. I loved my doggie before he died of cancer. He was my protector and my hero. I picketed for his life once. He had bitten our neighbor lady and so my folks wanted to put him down. I refused. We were bonded after that. Its like he knew what my picket signs read. “If you kill Barkley then you’ll have to kill me first”. I was always feisty.
Prednisone made Barkley the dog fat so of course it was going to do the same to me. I don’t remember him eating more-it just bloated him up and made him look huge. I feel like Barkley right now. Plus it tastes so damn bad. I try to get a swig of juice in my mouth first and then pop in the prednisone and do a super quick jerk back so none of it dissolves in my mouth. It doesn’t always work.
I’m writing this entry on my phone. I can’t go to sleep. Jax’s asleep upstairs. I wish I could crawl in bed and snuggle up next to him. I could but I know I’ve got the 650th day of insomnia.
Jax seems like he’s distant now. He’s in his pattern of work, home, dinner, and falling asleep on the couch. When did we become like this? When did he start to seem so disinterested in what I do all night? I’ve been getting up when he does to make him coffee at 6am just so we can have a relationship. We do talk about an hour everyday about everything under the sun…it’s the only thing sustaining us. Our crisis mode is always on. Jax is tired.
I’m trying to get him to be interested in me again but talking is the closest we get. Don’t get me wrong-he’s incredible and always calling to be sure I’m up and asking if I’ve taken my medication.
He’s always helping me think of how I can feel better. I want us to go to counseling. We don’t have the tools to fix this.
The methotrexate has been going for 1.5 weeks now. I think it’s giving me headaches – bad ones…but I’m not sure if it is a real side effect. Finally the sleeping pills are working. Whew it’s only 320am. Could be worse.