9 11 2007

I haven’t been at my traditional work all week. I’ve been slammed with insurance paperwork, invoices, and online work. It never seems to slow down. I haven’t felt well enough to find new clients, but I do today. Maybe I’m getting used to the Methotrexate.

Well, not really. I was so dizzy last night I went to bed at 1045pm, which is super rare for me. The dizziness overtook the insomnia. I’m exhausted now but think I’ve got so much to take care of before 445pm when we leave for our 2nd therapy session. Maybe I’ll pretend to rest. That’s when you lie down for 5 minutes and power nap while thinking about what needs to be done. It invigorates me and usually works.

I’m nervous about the second day of therapy tonight but so relieved we’re going. Things have been good though and I can see the 20-ton weight is no longer on his back. We’ve been laughing more and I’ve been trying to be helpful all around.

I wonder if he’s noticed the shift in ourselves? I’m sure he has – it is very remarkable. I also wonder how much of it has to do with the fact that my pain is finally getting sorted after two and a half years. It’s like it’s been cut in half. I feel more focused at work and more focused in my actions, thoughts, and activities.

I’ve also taken some steps to make our room a little more romantic. I’ve gotten some flowers, nice candles, and some good smelling stuff to spark up the room a bit. I’m not preparing for instant change, but I want things to be in the right order when the change occurs. I also downloaded some nice chilling music that I can play on my new ipod in our room.

I feel like such a silly little girl talking about this kind of stuff… but I think it’s only human.

I’m still so happy that Jax has moved back home. I hated him being gone. He slept for an entire day and took a day off work to make up for his apparent lack of sleep. I hadn’t realized how hard this had all hit him (being moved out).

I’ve noticed we are laughing so much more and giggling. I really do think it is that he’s allowing us to learn some new tools to cope with all of this (for me anyway). For him, I’m not sure what his perspective on all of this would be. I know it must be a relief to see that I am starting to get better and some relief.

I do notice my legs still go out along with my hands from time to time for an hour or so. I limp and do my crazy thing, but I think we’re both so used to this by now that we have a pattern for dealing with it that is very second nature.

-hopeful, sasha




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