It’s so gray and cloudy outside. It matches my insides. I’m tired and want to sleep for 5 days. I want to cry about nothing. I want to experience a different emotion besides pain. My hands are bound in compresses and they feel better. I rest my eyes for a minute, careful, don’t fall alseep. I’m sad for the body I wish I had. I’m sad that pain is such a big part of my life. This is beyond suffering. My brother who’s schizophrenic once said I’d never wish this on my worst enemy. I feel the same. He has gout and has suffered so much. RA is the true endurance test. I’ve got these great new hand glove/compresses. I’m not sure why but they really help. Last night I couldn’t sleep. It was a mix between pain, insomnia, depression, and anxiety. It’s cold outside tonight and the wind is ripping through my now oversized shirt. It hardly fits me anymore.
I don’t ever want to complain about any of this. i want to be the picture-perfect photo of joy for all of this. I want to only have a blog of inspiration rather than any bitching and moaning. I want to read my new favorite book “A Life Less Convenient” again. (New book re-issue comes out early 2008)
I want to climb into bed with Jax rather than be here on a work break. I could sleep for a month and I might actually feel better. But I cant, because I’m meant to be filing about 20 health insurance grievances over the weekend. I hate doing the paperwork but it’s worth thousands of dollars. It has to be done. Also, I have work – too much work – I did get 2 clients for next week. That means solid work until christmas week. I’m grateful. I’ve got a zillion things that need to be done, but at least I’m making money to put food on the table and pay for the numerous medical bills.
Many of the visitors to this site have RA (rheumatoid arthritis) just like I do. I was wondering how normal I was comparatively. I wonder if my long entries drive people crazy. (it’s ok to comment yes).
1. do you have swollen legs, ankles, feet and have a hard time getting in shoes?
2. do you find you’re too tired to think about wanting to have sex?
3. does your partner refer to themselves as a caretaker?
4. do you get distracted while working and realize how bad your body aches?
5. do you try to eat healthy but realize nothing makes you feel better?
6. does your doc drive you crazy and tell you that you’ve gotten fat after a hefty dose of prednisone?
7. Do you feel like throwing up most of the time?
8. Are you taking Prednisone and does it make you want to die?
a. Do you have Prednisone weight gain that makes you miserable
b. Does Prednisone make you dizzy, give double chin, moon face, and a variety of other woes? Note: Visit my links page where I’ve added a few for Prednisone. Also, I’ve got loads of Prednisone blogs in the Medications section or visit the Timeline to check out the ones that interest you.
9. do you take Embrel?
10. do you take methotrexate?
11. what’s the difference between R.A. & Lupus when my R.A. has caused multiple organs-gone-bad?
12. Is there a website out there that has really made you feel better?
13. Do you have a blog or website you’d like to share with others on this subject?
14. Do you live with a mate (boyfriend, girlfriend, spouse?)
15. Are you the caretaker or the person with the disease?
16. Do you realize life is short and get off your bum and stop complaining and just get on with it and stop the pity party and LIVE!
17. Is this an everyday decision?
18. Do you own your own company and have a job you love?
That’s it for now – let’s see how people respond.