Mr. H. but no Kite

16 12 2007

Thanks for your replies to my RA questionnaire. Keep them coming since it’s helpful to others visiting the site. BTW – I’ll get to the health stuff later in this post…but first about love.

I’ve felt so vomitus (new word I just made up) this whole week from the methotrexate. I also took on too much work right before the holiday. I had to change my plane ticket so i can work more days before leaving since a client couldn’t hire me at all unless I could stay here longer. It was only 2 weeks ago that I didn’t think there would be any work for me until 2008.

I saw my ex last night. It was a total shock since he doesn’t even live in the country. He didn’t say hello. To boot it was a small house party so there was no room to avoid him. Jax has never met this ex in person. I have a lot of twisted feelings about this ex – I’ll call him Mr. H. We spent 9/11 together and drove to Baja Mexico to surf. We had broken up 2 days earlier. It was awful. Mr. H. didn’t say hello and neither did I because I was in such shock at seeing him. It all happened so fast and before I could explain it to Jax – Mr. H left.

Luckily and thankfully, the party hostess called today to apologize for being so wasted and offered to pass along the message about my shock and lack of hello. I don’t love Mr. H anymore, but it was one of the most crushing break-ups I’ve ever experienced.

I’m so glad I’m with Jax – you have no idea. In fact, Mr. H. was not that great in bed because he was often too drunk. I won’t kiss & tell on other sex items, but I do think it is fair to mention ones lack of ability due to drunkenness. Coincidentally, Mr. H. had a piece of art (staying ambiguous here on purpose) about breaking up and his girl tossing his clothes/belongings out the window. Right away our mutual friends called me to congratulate me for being so ballsy. The piece wasn’t actually about me, but the timing was spectacular.

SELF-IMAGE: ARGH!!!! I felt so concerned about my self-image. I’m 40 pounds heavier and that freaks me out since it has all been gained since February of this year. I didn’t want him to see me like this. I had on sexy high heels and a great top…but I couldn’t take seeing him and being this heavy. Jax is so good about this kind of stuff while in the past Mr. H was not.

Mr H. never had to deal with my illness. I was healthy when we dated. I hate that about him.

Tomorrow I need to buy bigger clothes again. This is the 3rd time I’ve had to do this since my big fat jeans are too small and hurt me. I’m now starting to second guess myself and wonder if it is not the prednisone but me eating too much…but I hardly eat anything at all! It seems I’ve gained more weight than most people I’ve been reading about on the web.

FACTS IN THE CASE OF THE MYSTERIOUSLY EXPANDING GIRL

  • My prednisone dose is so small now that I’m going down on it. (see my medication info)
  • I eat very healthy and really tiny portions.
  • I eat tons of veggies and fruit
  • I dont snack except rice cakes or smoothie (fruit, diet protein mixture meal-in-a-can-no sugar)
  • I use the weight watcher point system & eat much less than what they recommend for me.
  • walk a lot, hike when can (surfing still on hold since too weak)
  • I eat breakfast (Kashi grain cereal)
  • I literally have been starving myself (or the feeling of) so I can lose weight
  • Please tell me what is going on?!!!???

I just don’t understand how my weight is going up still. I am just so down about this.

Please help if you have any ideas/thoughts/or suggestions (except if it’s about seeing any new Dr’s)!
-Sasha

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One response

26 02 2008
Laura

OK, last post for tonight. My weight went up too. Happens to most of us with RA. The swelling is from destruction of tissue, inflammation, and the detritus from that active process goes into your lymphatic system. Also the meds we take – not just prednisone – cause weight gain, some by the body storing the toxins in fat.
You need to exercise to keep your lymphatic system working, and drink water to help flush it out, With RA it’s difficult to exercise, just do what you can.
Get a real therapeutic massage. Drink plenty of water before and afterward. I once dropped 7 lbs after one massage. (Yes, you pee the junk out.) Getting a massage regularly is so good for you, just be sure you get a good massage therapist – someone who knows these illnesses and can work with them. A good one will require your doc’s OK.
XO

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