All of us have things we have to get done each day/week/month. Some of us keep to do lists, others post it notes, and some pure memory. One thing I still can’t wrap my head around is how many things I can realistically get done each day. Admittedly, this is a life long issue, but having a disease greatly reduces or alters what can logically get accomplished.
[PS. I’ve lost 6 lbs with new hypothyroid meds! It’s the first weight I’ve lost since being off prednisone steroids. but still battling extreme exhaustion!]
Take my past 2 weeks as an example; I literally got zilch accomplished. I filled out 20 new health insurance grievances, fought with a doctor’s billing office, bounced 1 check by accident (please donate even $5 to help keep me going). I finally called back long overdue calls and emails, I finished a painting, ordered new embrel, and went to a friend’s birthday party sporting my new polka dotted cane.
You see, to me I got absolutely nothing done. I didn’t get a new paying project lined up because I slept half of the past 2 weeks. This must be a “type a” quality since all my non-alpha friends are always trying to get me to learn how to relax. It makes me wonder how much of my diseases are exacerbated by my own self. [This reminds me to write about “the self” in an upcoming blog as seen by Virgina Woolf. She spent a lot of time in bed also but for her mind being diseased].
My mom suggested that my problems with Jax could be preventing me from getting 100 percent better, but I have life-sentenced diseases meaning I’ll have them for life (although I’ve heard of RA going into remission. It doesn’t seem like my issues with my lovely Jax could cause my diseases to be worse. I mean, I love Jax so much and I know it’s mutual. Anytime we’ve been on the rocks we’ve always stayed together. There are no answers to this.
I need to get more realistic about what I can accomplish in my life – but I am a doer and nothing will deter me from living my dreams out even if that in the end kills me quicker… At least I lived it 110%. But admittedly, I can not seem to get started with my day for several hours. It is a huge battle for me. I can spend 4 hours just trying to start working… that seems totally absurd! Then I spend the next hour or two beating myself up for taking so long to get started…by then I am exhausted and need a nap…which I have never EVER needed before in my entire life (and I am not coping well with needing it). It seems I just beat my mind up for allowing me to take a break.
The real trick is to not let this health crisis get me down. I need to stay focused on my goals and to remember why I’m on this planet. But I do need to cut myself some slack once in a while when I’m forced by my body to stay in bed. Easier said than done!! –sasha xoxo
ps- since i have my thyroid out of whack, RA, chronic pancreatitis, and IC in remission – how in the world is this different from lupus when other systems keep failing? I just dont get it. Can someone explain it to me?!