Yes To Change

17 09 2008

Do you recall that I just had a major breakthrough with Jax and our sexual relationship? For 2 1/2 years he has played the caregiver role really well. Since January we’ve been working hard with couples therapy to break this all-too-familar cycle. Each day when Jax and I were home from work it seemed impossible to change this. Usually around 6-8pm I am at my worst in
terms of pain, exhaustion, etc. It’s awful to always have to be “on” for Jax right then.

So I want to share how our recent breakthrough of our stalemate even occurred. I’ve looked all over the web to read more pn this topic, read all kinds of books, but eventually it was the fact that Jax was drunk and confessed accidentally how he feels about us. I quickly saw that he was going to leave if I didnt take matters 100% into my own hands. I couldn’t bear the thought that he’d go on to another relationship after all this – and then he’d magically have no hang ups about her.

So I decided to let go of the idea of protecting his worries. I decided to put myself 100% into the problem and solve ot myself without talking more about it and without blaming anyone for it. Instead I wore sexy lingerie and while we prepped to go out for the day I started kissing Jax like I meant business (super sensual) and I used playful sexual words. And instead of being oversensitive as I usually am about his reaction to this – I just told him I could help him wake up. And I did – and we did – and that was the breakthrough.

I had been so afraid of approaching him for so long after being denied on numerous occassions…but this time I decided not to take rejection hard and to try again and again if need be. Somehow this mustve affected my behavior because his reaction was also different than before. Maybe because we’ve talked about how we’re in a period of changing everything so that change in this area was okay.

I’m very excited for the week to come – I’m going to break all the unsaid rules and simply try everyday to make some advance.

I never wanted to be the one to make the first advance, but perhaps it’s not going to be permanent. I’d much rather have some loving rather than none.

Hope this is helpful!!




One response

17 09 2008

congrats, Sasha! 🙂 it’s been a long time coming!

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