Age and RA

28 09 2008

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Age and RA: You might be curious by the header “age and RA” so let me say now that I’m 35 yrs. old and diagnosed 1 year ago with RA, 4 years or so ago with chronic pancreatitis (CP). This post was prompted by a very sweet comment from Cory who is 21 and in a similar situation with shitty health issues and a recent split with her boyfriend just like me with Jax.

I was thinking about all the things that hurt about this break-up news from Jax one week ago. He left for two reasons. The first is that my medical issues entirely overwhelmed him and became too much. I wish I could run away from it also but I’m stuck with the 2 of them (RA and CP). The other is complex, but essentially he needs to find himself again after being a caretaker for 3 years. He lost himself in my worries and wants/needs to see if he can stand on his own again after all this BS.

One of the toughest things about splitting at age 35 after 5 years of being dedicated to Jax ithat’s so different from a split at 22 is about pregnancy. I gave Jax the 5 years I needed to sort out having kids. I was so certain he would be that one that would have kids with me. The doctors say I need to try this next fall.. But how can I do that now when I don’t even have a boyfriend? I don’t think I’ll even bother to purposely find a guy just so I can have a kid. I’ve got my whole career to focus on anyhow. But it certainly adds to the depression of this all.

I’m definitely being whiney tonight but please don’t think that I think my problems are worse than othes. I think pain is pain and so I feel the same as Cory does. I just have 1 more thing I can obsess on.

Oh.. And in continuation from yesterdays post… Jax was out with his buddies last night getting hammered. They’re all so geeky that they played drinking games on words used in the debate.

Around my apartment neighborhood they can’t believe Jax and I split. They’re convinced he’ll change his mind.

But I’m not sure of anything. I’m trying hard to remember “stay strong and stay calm”. I’ve been doing that except in my own privacy. I’ve tried to stay out of the apartment as much as possible only to find that Jax has moved his favorite things next door already.

It’s crushing!

I can’t wait to get my enbrel package on monday! It’s been almost 2 weeks sonce I’ve taken it and I can feel the RA getting worse. My hands are already swollen again. It’ll be interesting to see what what goes away and when.

Totally freaked out,
Sasha. Xoxo.

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