1 10 2008

Do you lile the new design? I think I do. Feel free to comment.


How long have you ever accidentally taken a break from Enbrel (or other type like Humira)? Well, I highly don’t recommend it. It’s the single stupidest thing I’ve done in the past few months and that’s saying a lot!!

I was forced to take an Enbrel break because my doctor fired me. Well, not in those exact words. It was more like “find a new physiciam to care for your needs” because I was $300 and some odd dollars short on my bill with him. It so hard juggling money around to different doctors, hospitals from last year, etc. So I tried to get a refill but the DR wouldn’t do it unless I came in – fair enough..but the whole firing process has taken about 3 weeks. (I was wrong in my earlier 2 week estimate).

It is all coming back so quickly!! Swollen, painful red joints. Bumps on my elbows, pain everywhere. My hands on fire. My ankles becoming kankles, my energy level hitting an all-time low to the point I couldn’t go to work today and I was just a giant blob. Worse than a blob – a swollen, screeching blob!

I’ve kept it all to myself instead of sharing it with formerly my Jax. I see why he needed to break up. I do stupid things like not have enough money for the DR and end up in this situation. (Feel free to donate at the donate link above).

It’s been a little over a week since Jax broke up with me and I’m still struggling through the pain of it. It’s so confusing because he moved an apartment away. He comes over for dinners and he’s still the person I most want to spend time with.

I’m trying to spend time out of the building to give us both space… But with my utter exhaustion today I could only muster leaving the house at dinnertime as I had promised him. I didn’t want Jax to see me sick since that’s his primary reason for leaving me.

Things are all confusing and I’m still crying over the split. I understand that if we ever have any chance of working out in the future that he’s got to be on his own right now. I also understand that he may never want to be together again because the medical issues are really too much (for pregnancy). Normally I’d think he’s being too critical… But he’s right. It is so overwhelming and I wish I could run away from myself!!!

I’m in some of those self-loathing days for the first time since I was taking prednisone.

I’m in that funny place where I don’t know up from down.

Love, Sasha. Xoxoxo




One response

2 10 2008
Mrs. Mordecai

I like your design. I just redid my blog today, too. 🙂

I’m sorry things aren’t going well. Best wishes for getting your doctors and life back in order! I’ll be thinking happy thoughts for you.

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