When you have a chronic disease or live with someone who does you’ll know that pain comes in waves and you have to hold on tight to the roller coaster ride. Pain shows itself in so many different ways. it can be purely physical at first, but then eventually permeates your personal thoughts and life.
I’d been seeing Jax for about 4-5 years. We were a great team. We did many things together and seemed to really enjoy each other’s company and time. But eventually Jax couldn’t take the medical roller coaster so one day, two weeks ago, he got a ticket off the ride. I wish I could have done the same. Instead I have years of therapy ahead of me. I thought Jax was my one and only. I felt graced and relieved that we’d made it through the hardest of times.
But now as Jax is getting the last of his items from our apartment I realize that it’s over. I’m truly devastated. Between the RA fatigue and chronic pancreatitis pain,I don’t even have the energy to find new work. My life is falling apart. My bills are overdue, my bank accounts are empty and I’m in so many types of pain. I can’t believe it’s crumbling. I’ve always been able to keep a hold of my life before this.
I owe so many doctors hundreds and thousands of dollars. I can’t keep anything straight or clear. I’m freaking out.at this moment I can’t fathom anyone being able to ever want to be with me again romantically speaking. I’m in a very dark and grim mental place right now. I’m trying to find my way out but I dont even know where to begin. Open to ideas from anyone!
Love, Sasha xoxoxo