THE PAIN TRAIN

8 10 2008

When you have a chronic disease or live with someone who does you’ll know that pain comes in waves and you have to hold on tight to the roller coaster ride. Pain shows itself in so many different ways. it can be purely physical at first, but then eventually permeates your personal thoughts and life.

I’d been seeing Jax for about 4-5 years. We were a great team. We did many things together and seemed to really enjoy each other’s company and time. But eventually Jax couldn’t take the medical roller coaster so one day, two weeks ago, he got a ticket off the ride. I wish I could have done the same. Instead I have years of therapy ahead of me. I thought Jax was my one and only. I felt graced and relieved that we’d made it through the hardest of times.

But now as Jax is getting the last of his items from our apartment I realize that it’s over. I’m truly devastated. Between the RA fatigue and chronic pancreatitis pain,I don’t even have the energy to find new work. My life is falling apart. My bills are overdue, my bank accounts are empty and I’m in so many types of pain. I can’t believe it’s crumbling. I’ve always been able to keep a hold of my life before this.

I owe so many doctors hundreds and thousands of dollars. I can’t keep anything straight or clear. I’m freaking out.at this moment I can’t fathom anyone being able to ever want to be with me again romantically speaking. I’m in a very dark and grim mental place right now. I’m trying to find my way out but I dont even know where to begin. Open to ideas from anyone!

Love, Sasha xoxoxo

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One response

19 10 2008
michelle

I JUST HAPPENED ON YOUR BLOG AND NOTICED YOU ALSO HAVE CP. i THOUGHT i WAS THE ONLY PERSON WITH SPHINCTOR OF ODDI DYSFUNCTION WHICH CAUSES SEVERE AND CONSTANT PAIN WITH RECURRENT BOUTS OF PANCREATITS. NOW HAVE SEVERE PAIN IN JOINTS THAT ARE DEBILITATING. THE NARCOTICS FOR THE PREVIOUS PAIN DOESN’T EVEN COME CLOSE TO HELPING THE BONE PAIN. i FEEL SICK ALL THE TIME THE DOC SEEMS TO THINK THE TWO AREN’T RELATED BUT i NOW FIND THIS INTERESTING THAT THERE IS SOMEONE ELSE OUT THERE IN HER 30’S WITH SIMILAR ISSUES. YOUR BLOG HAS MADE ME FEEL THAT I AM NOT CRAZY AND OTHER PEOPLE DO UNDERSTAND HOW BAD THE PAIN IS IN ALL ASPECTS OF YOUR LIFE. GOD BLESS!!!

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