LIGHTING IT UP

15 10 2008

A few days have past since the 3 week point that my Jax split up with me.  It’s always interesting how time often sheds new light on a situation.  I’ve also been battling a cold, but I’ll take the Enbrel tomorrow regardless because I feel so swollen.  I have to have 3 different sizes of shoes to be prepared for any stage of RA swelling.

I’ve been in touch via email with Jax’s mom the past year and a half.  She’s hysterical and it’s clear she stirs up drama just so I’ll continue writing to her (Jax hasn’t talked to his mom since May).  I have too much to deal with already between folding my company last month… I don’t think I ever even wrote about that.  I literally lost everything all at once: a job, my company, my boyfriend, and … thank god I am getting it all over at once!

It has felt like my life is out of control.  That is simply too many things to lose all at once!  It’s also clear that Jax isn’t going to be moving back in anytime soon.  It’s also painfully clear that he won’t even know what he wants in his life for at least 3 more months.  So now that the dust has settled from the drama of it all, I will have to pour myself into work (even though I closed my company there is still tons of wrapping up I need to do).

The toughest part right now is that I lost my closest friends due to my diseases. I never had time to maintain those relationships and work.  This is truly one of the hardest times of my life, but since the economy is in the tank – it is only making me a bit more depressed.  My unofficial job is to  keep my spirits high so that I don’t get sick again.

So now I’ll get some sleep and hope I don’t sleepwalk again!

Love, Sasha. xoxox

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2 responses

17 10 2008
Donna C

Sasha,

I have been “lurking” around your blog for quite a while. I have appreciated all the great info you have compiled. I too have RA and have been in the process of getting the Dx and the Meds to go with it. I saw my Rheumy today and I will begin taking Humira. My choice over Embrel because the shots will be every two weeks, instead of every week. All this along with Plaquenil and Methotrexate.
About 15 years ago I was dx’d with Lupus. I had 5 really hard years of that disease and miraculously managed to go into remission and was able to get off all the Lupus meds. I thought my current symptoms were Lupus rearing it’s ugly head, but no……it had to be RA.
I have really been able to sympathize with you regarding your frustrations with symptoms, meds and Jax. I just wanted to step forward, introduce myself to let you know you are not alone. When I was first dx’d with Lupus, my DR told me not to read anything about Lupus that is old literature. Most people had never heard of the disease and true to his word, the Literature (I didn’t listen to him) I read was basically, get your affairs in order, it is going to be a long and painful road. I am so glad to know the medications we now have available are ones that may reduce the pain and deformation. I asked my Rheumy should I continue on the Ultram. She said, after you begin the Humira, you won’t need anything for pain!!! That was the best news I have heard in a long time!! I hope she is right.

I know this is long, I just wanted to give you an encouraging word, hang in there, better days are ahead for you!

Sincerely,
Donna C

15 10 2008
maria

I just stumbled onto your blog after looking up references between type A and lupus –

I started reading your stuff from ealier this year then hit the home tab to see where you were now only to discover this post. I just want to say that I’m sorry for your loss and do hope that time will take you both to a place where you can appreciate your time spent together.

I also wish for you lots of peace at heart right now – I enjoy reading your thoughts. Thank you for sharing them.

Take good care~

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