Some days I’m not sure what I’d do without reading the amazing comments by you all. It lifts me up, reminds me I am not alone, and lulls me to a place where I can actually go to sleep. Ever since Jax moved out i haven’t been able to get any normal sleep. I have no incentive to go to bed – except of course my health – but I’m not in the mood to be all “goody” about my health. I know I am making it all worse, but I’m still so shocked that Jax left that I haven’t found a good place yet.
I do want to mention a few readers comments because they really made me happy/thoughtful/loving..Also, here’s a link to the newly updated Tips Page. It has links to some key past posts.
I JUST HAPPENED ON YOUR BLOG AND NOTICED YOU ALSO HAVE CP. i THOUGHT i
WAS THE ONLY PERSON WITH SPHINCTER OF ODDI DYSFUNCTION WHICH CAUSES
SEVERE AND CONSTANT PAIN WITH RECURRENT BOUTS OF PANCREATITIS. –Michelle
Wow!!! This one blew me away. So far I’ve only met one other online pal that has both CP and RA!! This is incredible because i don’t believe I have ever mentioned that my issue is specifically with my sphincter of oddi! But you’ve got it spot on. My DR explained it that it’s like a door that is broken and is always stuck. Sometimes i swear i can feel the food rushing in. I know that is not really what’s happening but it feels like hell so i have imagined all sorts of things. In fact. my CP is so much worse than my RA – but it’s was too depressing to base an entire blog around. I would love to speak with Michelle offline!
...About 15 years ago I was dx’d with Lupus. I had 5 really hard years of
that disease and miraculously managed to go into remission and was able
to get off all the Lupus meds. I thought my current symptoms were Lupus
rearing it’s ugly head, but no……it had to be RA.
I have really been able to sympathize… –Donna C.
This reader’s been through a lot with lupus and RA. I’d just like to mention that I couldn’t take methotrexate because it made me soooo sick. It was literally killing me. Glad I’m off of it – although I did feel like it got my RA under better control. I’m going to see the new Rheumy DR on the 23rd. I can’t wait – i’m so happy I don’t have to go see that pompous jerk DR. (To read more on methotrexate and me click here).
So, this is what’s going on with Jax and I.. he lives next door (one apartment in between). And we spent all day Saturday together with plans to spend about half of Sunday together. Admittedly, he’s confused!! Is he coming or going? I don’t care anymore. I’m just happy to spend time with him. He does love me and it’s very obvious. Also, He helped me out so much this past week prepare my new resumes..and he’s been training me on the items I’m less knowledgeable about (don’t forget we ran/run a company together). We’ve closed down most of the company sector that he ran with me, but we still have 4 key clients together. You might ask – so what changed that I am not as depressed about it all right now… So what’s the difference?
I talked to one of my brothers this week who seems to know Jax better than Jax knows himself. He’s the brother that advised me not to shut/slam the door on Jax just because Jax needs space and a massive change. Earlier, He suggested I wait it out. Then, when 3 weeks had passed he wasn’t sure what to advise. Now, at a month out he said I should take the attitude “whatever..” and so I have. I am happy seeing him and I am finally happy without (not as happy of course). Jax and I have so much we love to do together that we’ve even bumped into each other out. I took that as a sign that we really are meant to be together. Who really knows??
But, now that i have “whatever” plastered in my head I believe it is fine for the moment. Sure I’d love to kiss Jax, but I see him struggle the same way I am with that stuff. Maybe we just need space in order to reinvent the sex stuff?? Not sure.. but I will say that I am so happy to hear from Michelle/the reader who has the exact same stuff as me. CP is the worst thing I could ever imagine – no one truly understands the pain of your pancreas hating you so much that it tries to kill you on a moment to moment basis!!!
Love for now,,Sasha…. xoxoxo