Hello All – Sasha here! To my loyal readers: I’m sorry I left the online world for so long – but I m sure that anyone reading this could relate. I felt like I had to crawl back inside my little cave in my mind rather than expressing it out loud or through words. I needed to sort it out uptairs in my head first. A ton has happened since I was last really online.
Briefly this is what has happened: Jax & I are still split up (and yes i am still crying about it 6 months later). He still lives one apartment away (joy oh joy) no – actually it is comforting but has mae it nearly impossible to move on. Jax and I still spend time together here and there and I’ve tried several times to do Jax blackouts for 6 weeks at a time, but we’ve never made it past 1 week (on his side also). But I have begun internet dating and I’ll write all about that in my next post. It’s been a tough turn of events since I last checked in. Last I recall I had just left the Emergency Room where they treated me like I am a drug addict. I have since found a lawyer who is determining if I have a good case against the hospital.
But the biggest changes have been on the diagnosis front and on the body/mind front. I’ve had CP for almost 7 years now and RA that was diagnosed in late 2007. Initially, I took prednisone for it and gained 60 pounds in 5 months. Then I was put on a high dose of Methotrexate that poisoned my liver. I got off that and was then only on Enbrel (I far prefer the regular needle rather than the sure-click). My mom has many of the health issues I have was diagnosed with RA in October 08 full blown Lupus in November. Many doctors will say that it is almost impossible to have both diseases. They say that you usually don’t see bone breakdown in Lupus patients. But – my family has never turned up normal in any health matter so it’s not so surprising. I fired my 2nd Rheumatologist and onto the 3rd – this time at Cedars-Sinai. The new one is great in some ways, but less thorough in others – but it will do fine for now. This month (February 2009) she believes that I have many of the tell-tale signs of Lupus, but it is not yet showing up in my bloodwork. In other words, she feels pretty confident that I need to go back on Methotrexate to lessen the possible Lupus issues. She feels it is a large possibility that my different diseases will eventually fall under the header of Lupus. So now I am back on a regular dose of Methotrexate.
Beyond these updates I will get more into what’s been going on in my mind over the next few weeks. I will say that my depression blew up to a horrfic degree and I got put on Wellbutrin along with Cymbalta. The depression got very out of control and I had begun having vivid visions of how I could remove myself from Earth. I have finally snapped out of that zone and am back on the ground….maybe not solid but certainly back on the ground.
Some things I’m doing to climb out of depression: (Read on to find out! Also read on for the Prednisone Challenge – What I’m doing to climb out of that blah also) —->
Here’s the list: Going to new places I’d never thought of before such as drawing classes, unitarian church services, any event that comes to me via evite or facebook. I’ve alo been diligent about following up w/ people to go to lunch or drinks (non-alcoholic for me). This has really helped… but nothing has helped more than exercise and drinking more water.
So for those of you wondering about the Prednisone challenge: It’s true that I gained 60 pounds in a few months of being on the evil drug. [Never ever stop taking it cold turkey] It was due to my thyroid literally shutting down completely due to that med. After I started taking hypothyroid meds I could at least stay awake the whole day, but I could not bring my weight down. I wish I went to Weight Watchers while I was on Prednisone. But my depression got worse and worse the bigger I got. The two are tied together I am certain. But by going to Weight Watchers and diligently working out 6 days a week I’ve been able to lose 10 pounds so far and I’m starting to get my shape back. The fat seems to be spreading itself back out from where it had congregated. So even though I’m still at a high weight, I am starting to see the real me again.
Yes, It is disheartening in millions of ways that a year has passed and Ive only just begun to get the weight off. But I had a lot of battles that had to be won to even get me out to the gym.
I finally see things on the up and up. Next time.. internet dating with a chronic disease and also the New Age “heal yourself” theories and how could it possibly help me?
Thanks so much.
PS – I will approve new comments a few at a time so that I can address each of them a bit more personally. Thanks.