28 02 2009

Brief background for any new readers: Info about me (sasha) and my life is in the “About” page so you can catch up on me there.  Feel free to comment on your life and your issues.  The readers of this blog are creating a community and many have their own blogs that I have created links to on the right.  Check them out and feel free to tell me your favorite ones.  I thought we’d do a little top 5 blog links contest for the next 30 days.

Jax left around 6 months ago, but lives an apartment away.  He’s not willing to say we are never going to be together again.  I’ve tried in numerous ways to move on but over the next 6 weeks I am forcing the issue by having a JAX BLACK OUT starting this Monday.  (Why this Monday?   –  because he helps me do my laundry and I’m not mentally prepared to do that on my own yet.)  Also, if there’s an emergency like there was last time I tried this a few months back then we are allowed to communicate temporarily.

The great thing about dating with a chronic disease is that this issue applies to everyone with a chronic illness, not just a specific type of illness.  Many of us have been through the true love in our life that has left after 4-5 years.  That’s certainly my situation w/ Jax.  So in an effort to move on I signed up with a few online sites and started forcing myself to go out to events again.  At first I pushed it too hard.  I was going out so much that I ended up crashing back against a 3-4 month wall (that’s why I was offline for quite some time).  Now I think I have a better balance and am saying home more than I want, but at least nit making myself worse.  I also asked the advice of friends about whether to mention my illness straight away or to keep quiet.

(Read on for more on DATING w/ a CHRONIC DISEASE, Dating Print-Outs, and Bad Kissers need not Apply)—>

My feeling is that regardless of what they say or do – they still might leave after being in the thick of it.  BUT I refuse to settle for someone I hardly feel chemistry with simply because they seem like they are going to stick around.

My first date was a wash.  I didn’t mention anything, but regardless the guy was full-blooded German and since I am almost fully Italian it seemed unlikely we would ever work out.  The second date was nice, but the place we had drinks was so dark it was hard to tell.  On our 2nd date it was clear he’s a sweet guy.  He’s single & 40 – that’s very common in LA.  At the end of our first date it came up about my pancreatitis because I had an all-natural cookie that made me instantly ill. I had to race home to roll in a ball, but 1st I had to use my new remote for my intrathecal pump (Note: type intrathecal pump into the search function and you’ll find out all about it).  I actually spent time explaining it while I was having the attack which was annoying and made me desperately wish I was with Jax who would know with the 1st glance.  Our 2nd date was fine, but I ordered coffee and accidentally put a dab of creamer in it.  I was caught up in the moment and not thinking so I had to rush off again – this time after 4 hours in.  At that point I had explained my several near death experiences and tried to put fear into him about it – I realized that I am now using it as a tool to try to get him to run away.

I don’t feel chemistry with this chap.  We talk over each other on the phone and I don’t feel in sync with him.  At the end of date 2 we did kiss for a moment…but I wasn’t feelin’ it.  I’ve never ever turned down a kiss from Jax who’s one of the very best kissers anywhere.  So now I am torn about the 3rd date.  I think I’ll go on it simply to tell him I a not interested.  Is it better to do that in person?  I just don’t have the energy to explain all of my quirks to him- and how do I explain RA, pancreatitis, hypothyroid, and Lupus ( of course, that one’s easy – – I don’t).  I don’t have the desire to teach him all of the foods I need to steer clear of.  Am I going to end up an old maid simply because I am maybe too picky?  I was picky before all of this diseases BS – so do I need to lower my standards a little bit now so I can widen the pool to choose from?

Or maybe I need to make a print-out and start giving it to each date on our 2nd time out. “RA will make me limp after sitting down awhile & picnics are out unless you can help me up afterward.  Then, Pancreatitis foods to stay away from: no fatty foods period –  that means nothing fried, nothing greasy, nothing spicy or full of flavor (example: humus can be deadly if it has too much garlic in it), forget curry of any kind.  No alcohol period- not even if the restaurant claims it has been cooked out, No butter (in my experience butter is the quickest way to hell), no milk or milk products (I’m not lactose intolerant so please no fart jokes), careful with acidic foods (but please let me have my coffee), Too much salad can make my digestion system work far too much and then I’ll be grumpy.  And so on into things I’m not even sure about myself. ” And maybe I should also add: Yes, I get really depressed (what do you expect – I’m on 2 anti-depressants daily), my last boyfriend lives a door away because he can’t stop caring about me but could no longer take the day in and out of my disease.  Bad kissers need not apply, oh – and please don’t make a huge fuss about my diseases, but also don’t make it seem like a petty problem.  Whatever you do – do not make jokes about pooping, farting, or other GI problems.  I’ve heard them all and they’re not funny to me yet.  Also, when I limp don’t ignore me like you don’t even know me.  Don’t race outside and wait for me.  Do what my Jax did – insist I take the elevator, remind me not to order this or that in a very diplomatic manner, offer to help me lift heavy things or open tiny things, but don’t make me seem totally helpless and overly fragile.

Love, Sasha xoxoxo




One response

28 02 2009

Wow, if you find that guy can you clone him. I know a few people that would benefit greatly from a guy like that.

I hope you figure your dating situation out quickly. If it’s any consolation, I feel all of these things, too. And I’m married. That worry never goes away that the person you love is just going get tired and walk away.

How’s that for depressing.

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