DISAPPEARING DAYS

7 04 2009

Swoop one, swoop two, swoop three…and just like that my days are gone.  Lately my days are being swiped away from me.  It’s almost like they’re being erased when I go to sleep…I’m actually afraid to fall asleep  because I simply don’t know what day I’ll wake up.  If I mop the bottom floor (3 rooms) then I’m down for the count the entire next day.   How can I possibly build a life this way?   I’m trying so hard to find balance.

BALANCE

I’ve always been the kind of girl that can get over a guy in exactly 5 weeks.  There’s a lot of things about me now that no longer apply to “the girl I used to be”.   I still cry everyday for Jax to come back to me.  It’s been many moons now since he left. Factually, I can live without him, but it is the most terrible feeling to be without Jax.  I’ve been on many dates now and think I’ve finally perfected the way to get a call-back (and yes, dating does feel like a casting audition to me out here in LA). I also can’t seem to force myself to sleep in my ow n bed.  I think I’m going to try to rent it out.

I’m afraid I’ll fall asleep driving again.  Is it the Lupus, the RA?  What is it that has me gagged by a handkerchief?  I’ve got to find a way to lower my rent, get on cheaper meds, try to get disability. Try try try – that’s all I know I can do. Try to live.

-Sasha, down n’ on it . oxoxox

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