Swoop one, swoop two, swoop three…and just like that my days are gone. Lately my days are being swiped away from me. It’s almost like they’re being erased when I go to sleep…I’m actually afraid to fall asleep because I simply don’t know what day I’ll wake up. If I mop the bottom floor (3 rooms) then I’m down for the count the entire next day. How can I possibly build a life this way? I’m trying so hard to find balance.
I’ve always been the kind of girl that can get over a guy in exactly 5 weeks. There’s a lot of things about me now that no longer apply to “the girl I used to be”. I still cry everyday for Jax to come back to me. It’s been many moons now since he left. Factually, I can live without him, but it is the most terrible feeling to be without Jax. I’ve been on many dates now and think I’ve finally perfected the way to get a call-back (and yes, dating does feel like a casting audition to me out here in LA). I also can’t seem to force myself to sleep in my ow n bed. I think I’m going to try to rent it out.
I’m afraid I’ll fall asleep driving again. Is it the Lupus, the RA? What is it that has me gagged by a handkerchief? I’ve got to find a way to lower my rent, get on cheaper meds, try to get disability. Try try try – that’s all I know I can do. Try to live.
-Sasha, down n’ on it . oxoxox