Thankfully I’m over my beyond deep depression. Now, I’m still in a “space”but not like the other day. I just got so tired of feeling like a total burden on my family and friends. Well, er um that is the friends that I managed to still have. And then at dinner with an old friend two days ago it all became clear. He lost his dad a year ago unexpectedly and he felt very strongly that if y become dead suddenly then you become more of a burden for friends and family than you ever could imagine. You’d end up taking the most selfish action against them that’s possible. They’d end up having to clean up the wreckage you’d left for many eons to come. So that crystallized staying alive for me.
The other thing my friend did was remind me that LA is a terribly hard place to have friends with much time to share. Most everyone here is trying to reach their next level. They simply don’t have time to cultivate or manage a friendship that’s anything less than ideal. So now I’m thinking about moving back to the city I call home (i moved around a lot so i don’t really have an official “home”).
Well, that’s the scoop. I hate having to dea lwith al of tis stuff. I wish I knew the balance alreadu!
Love Sasha xoxoxo