1 08 2009

Brief upate.  Im heading out in a few minutes to go to Millie’s cafe for late brunch and a little sight-seeing at the Silverlake Flea Market WITH JAX!!!!  Wish me luck… Oh, wait, it’s totally unreasonable to thnk we’d get back together while I’m in partial hospitalization for severe depression and anxiety.  So wish me luck in a way – that I make him think abut doing naughty things with me when things are better. – There, that sounded more realistic.

PS – my health check in – Pancreas: In check.  But if I eat a hot salsa meal i’ve got to have my Percoset on hand.  I take a very low dose, but can’t leave home without it.  RA: my limp is not so bad today but my feet are swollen 2 shoe sizes.  Looks like a flip-flop day.  Lupus: In the background of everything I do.  Diabetes: No clue?? what can I eat or not eat? UGH!  No money to see the nutritonist so I’ll use splenda and only eat one cupcake tonight.

PSS- Even though I used the “tags” dating with chronic illness, etc… this is not a “date” with Jax.  It’s an outing of two friends.  Jax & I had lived together for 4 years before our split.

Love, Sasha xxoxo



20 07 2009

Attention fellow bloggers, websites, admins, etc.  Please post anywhere possible.

The Los Angeles  – Hollywood Chronic Pain Support Group will have it’s very first meeting AUGUST 2nd, (Sunday) at 6:30pm-9pm.  Join and RSVP here.

The Los Angeles / Hollywood Chronic Pain Support Group was established to get together once a month to talk intimately about life, love, and living with Chronic Pain.  It’s important to have a safe monthly gathering place for anyone suffering from chronic pain. With a specific focus on those living with a chronic disease such as one or more automimmune diseases, we share our triumphs, hurdles and pain, but we also offer resources such as alternate medicine pathways and non-Rx treatments to alleviate pain. The meetings are open to anyone living in/with chronic pain. For more information and to sign up and RSVP:  http://www.meetup.com/the-hollywood-chronic-pain-support-group or for those that need a shorter url: http://www.tinyurl.com/hcpsg


28 02 2009

Brief background for any new readers: Info about me (sasha) and my life is in the “About” page so you can catch up on me there.  Feel free to comment on your life and your issues.  The readers of this blog are creating a community and many have their own blogs that I have created links to on the right.  Check them out and feel free to tell me your favorite ones.  I thought we’d do a little top 5 blog links contest for the next 30 days.

Jax left around 6 months ago, but lives an apartment away.  He’s not willing to say we are never going to be together again.  I’ve tried in numerous ways to move on but over the next 6 weeks I am forcing the issue by having a JAX BLACK OUT starting this Monday.  (Why this Monday?   –  because he helps me do my laundry and I’m not mentally prepared to do that on my own yet.)  Also, if there’s an emergency like there was last time I tried this a few months back then we are allowed to communicate temporarily.

The great thing about dating with a chronic disease is that this issue applies to everyone with a chronic illness, not just a specific type of illness.  Many of us have been through the true love in our life that has left after 4-5 years.  That’s certainly my situation w/ Jax.  So in an effort to move on I signed up with a few online sites and started forcing myself to go out to events again.  At first I pushed it too hard.  I was going out so much that I ended up crashing back against a 3-4 month wall (that’s why I was offline for quite some time).  Now I think I have a better balance and am saying home more than I want, but at least nit making myself worse.  I also asked the advice of friends about whether to mention my illness straight away or to keep quiet.

(Read on for more on DATING w/ a CHRONIC DISEASE, Dating Print-Outs, and Bad Kissers need not Apply)—> Read the rest of this entry »


22 11 2008

First a bit of goings-on: I’m happy to report to you all that I’ve finally lined up enough work to get me into December without this horrific fear that’s been like a black cloud over me for 3 months.  Now that the reality of the economy has had a bit of time to hit everyone, clients are finally calling again.  I’m still looking for a permanent job.  I think my time for freelancing might be over.  But we’ll see.

I was feeling very low and down this week.  My schedule is totally off since I’ve been doing resumes all night long, then during the day running errands, making necessary phone calls and such, then another night of resumes. Then finally after 2 days without sleep I crash the entire day and feel super crap. It’s my own fault for treating myself so badly and not being able to keep my life normal when I have no regular structure to it.  Jax lives 2 doors down now and I’m still outrageously sad that he’s left me.  We’ve hardly seen a moment of each other this week.  I wrote him an email explaining that I don’t want to date anyone but him, but my friends and family are so worried about me that they want me to date… I’m not sure what to do.

DATING QUESTIONS: If I do start dating, how long do I wait to tell the guy about my chronic diseases?  Do I put Ra and CP in my internet dating page so they know what they are in for? What if I have to cancel our date?  Would I need to admit it’s because of my diseases?  Do I explain my weight is from prednisone and I’m trying super hard to get rid of it?  Do I say I’m going to weight watchers and just starting to go to the YMCA but I’m still heavy. OR do I make no excuses for anything and just let it all remain a mystery. On the nights I’m “unavailable” aka in bed, I’ll simply seem more mysterious.

I need to change my outlook & perspective on this whole thing.  If I can run a company than surely I can take care of myself and my chronic diseases, right?!?!?!  I suppose I’m still upset that I no longer have my support system of Jax.  My support pilot got tired of the ins and outs of illness.  I am still pissy because I never thought we’d break up. BUT I did receive a wonderful letter/comment from M.Midwest. Here are my favorite parts:

All of the frequent drs. appts. and tests and treatments and pain control adjustments robbed us of normal, leisure time together. Sometimes when he felt like going out to dinner or going out with friends I was genuinely too sick to have the energy to go…. In talking to other people in a large chronic illness support group I’ve heard that…It is such a hard fought battle to get used to the illness itself. During the adaptation phase you are busy just surviving and getting adjusted to treatments. Don’t be too hard on yourself. You were trying to get through the HARDEST PART of your life at the same time you and Jax were cultivating your own relationship…Take your time to heal.By the way, I did meet and marry a wonderful guy 3 years later.Take your time please,girl!  Let your heart heal and go slowly. I feel for you and know that you want to date right away. Please wait though.When you’ve been in a long relationship it’s easy to want to hurry up and cover up the pain with someone new. Wait awhile,though. Get through the holidays and heal a bit longer.Thinking of you-been there-and it DOES GET BETTER.

This explains everything I’m going through in a capsule.  Thank you so much.  My folks want me to start dating just to keep my mind off of Jax. But it is amazing how much the idea of dating brings up so many new questions for me.   Maybe I need to find a chronic illness support group in my area?  I looked online and found nothing within 28 miles.  But if anyone has some ideas on this front please do share. I’ll give you more from the maybe dating fronts soon.  So far I’m just trying to remember to take care of myself.

Love,   Sasha xoxoxo