PAIN AND BONES

7 08 2009

I found this in my drafts folder and it’s amazing how depressed I was only a few weeks ago.  The program I am now in is really helping me get through this depression.  Even though I’m not in this head space now – I think it’s important to reflect on what a bad place I was in:  So I have RA. I hate it.  I have Lupus.  I hate it.  I have Chronic Pancreatitis  I hate it.  I have Diabetes Type 2 and I don’t even care.  Why?  Because it is truly the least of my problems – even knowing that for many people it is a major issue for them.  For me it is just a drop in the bucket.

I hate myself this week.  I hate that I’ve lost everything because of chronic diseases (or at least it feels that way).  I’m trying to get my life back on the right tracks, but I feel so depressed lately that I can barely motivate myself to do anything.  I’m losing work – of that I am certain.  I’ve lost my business, my true love (Jax – you can read more on this in the About section).  I’ve lost so much I don’t even remember all that I’ve lost.  My legs are always swollen and I just can’t seem to find that “happy place”.  I used to have it.  I used to be in it.

I started taking a new medication this past week and it made me so groggy I must’ve snoozed momentailry at a red light and accidentally tapped the car in front of me.  Only it is more like a car accident than a tap considering the cost of the damage.

My hands hurt too much to keep typing… but I wish I could keep telling you about how shit things seem right now.  I’ve lost my sunshine and I don’t know how to get it back.  I did start a prgram this past week for dealing with my depression.  I NEVER had deep depression until these diseases wreaked havoc on me and my life. Well, that and the issues from my childhood.  UGH!!! There is far too much to deal with and unravel about my life.  Why can’t I just write it down on paper and get the fuck over it??? I want to! I certainly don’t want to sit here and bitch about it!!

How can I get ME back??

Love Sasha xoxo

PS – Join me on Twitter: @typeawithra
• Also Join me on IllnessTwitters • And on Meetup
• Come to the Hollywood/Los Angeles Chronic Pain Support Groups next  Meetup: September 13th @6:30pm

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MEETUP LOS ANGELES

12 07 2009

Here’s an article sent to me by the National Pancreas Foundation’s Newsletter about dealing with keeping your job when you have chronic pain: “Protecting Your Job While Coping With a Chronic Illness

The Hollywood Chronic Pain Support Group Logo

The Los Angeles  – Hollywood Chronic Pain Support Group will have it’s very first meeting AUGUST 2nd, (Sunday) at 6:30pm-9pm.  Join and RSVP here.

Today, after getting fed up with the utter lack of support groups for anyone in my situation with multiple autoimmune diseases OR chronic pain – I decided it’s about time I take some action.  My blog is called “Type A” with RA afterall.  And being a good Type A person – I feel it’s my duty.  Not that I have the energy to do this – but I need to reach out so badly that I’ve decided to spend my energies on an actual support group rather than continuing my never-ending search.  Also, I want a place where I can actually talk about forced sober living with pancreatitis, death and pancreatitis, what to eat with any autoimmune disease, what actually helps for lupus, death and lupus, and all kinds of things that really matter to me.  Beyond that, after my last almost meeting I had received quite a number of emails asking when the next meeting would be.  So below I have pasted the exact text that is at this link on the new meetup page.- but from this link you can sign-up to attend.  We’ll welcome any and all out of town guests.   If you run a blog, could you mention this meetup?  Well, I have my first client all week – so I better get on it.   – Love, Sasha xoxo

This is the welcome message I wrote:

Welcome to the Hollywood Chronic Pain Support Group!
Thanks so much for joining- You are truly not alone!

We look forward to having you at our next meeting. We are brand-spankin’ new group, but committed to getting together once a month to talk about our struggles, triumphs and lives.  Please RSVP for our next meeting.

I’m Sasha, your Group Organizer.  I almost wrote “reluctant group organizer” because I live with 4 diseases that often take me down for three days at a time.  I have Lupus, Rheumatoid Arthritis, Chronic Pancreatitis, and Diabetes Type 2.  I have enough energy to get the group started, but as we begin to meet I will ask each member to take on a very small role of participation.  This way it will be more doable and sustainable to meet each month – I know we all need it!

I was surprised or rather, shocked that there are so few support groups around the globe.  I have searched for quite some time to find a support group here in Los Angeles.  I’m guessing that you might have done the same.  The meetings will be structured so that we all get the very most out of them.  Everyone likes to have snacks and drinks, but if you’re like me – you don’t know what you’d say without some icebreakers.  For this reason we will have a guest speaker briefly give their personal story followed by individual sharing on a volunteer basis.

Please Note: I’ve currently closed the group mailing list until we have a member managing the list.  I can only do so much – –

SOME BASIC AGREEMENTS:
1) In order to best serve the group we ask that caregivers do not attend with you – unless you are a caregiver and your mate is not going to be attending our group.

2) Each meeting we’ll pass the hat to donate what we can to the organizers.

3) If you’re seeking anonymity – we will honor your request.

4) We’ll all respect each others abilities.  Each of us may come to be temporarily too ill to fulfill our role/responsibilities.  We’ll all help out.

END ###