END OF THE WORLD

I’m taking a little break from my resource section I’m creating to talk a little bit about myself.  Beyond being just Sasha, I’ve been stuck in this awful depression for almost 8 months or so.  You see, I’m an extrovert  – I love people.  I thrive when I’m around a lot of people.  I used to have a huge network of friends and colleagues.  But when I got sick ad the years passed – 1,2,3 I lost almost all of them.  A friendship can only thrive when 2 people are putting there all into it.  I had no energy for myself, much less a friend.  Over time I watched my relationship with Jax dissolve.  He was always so helpful to me and very loving…but he couldn’t deal with knowing I was in pain.  Even as a friend it’s hard for him to know I’m in pain.  Is that what started the depression?  Or did the pain start the depression?  I guess it’s the story of the chicken and the egg.

Over the past year and a half I’ve been getting so much better in most areas.  During this time I’ve taken a good hard look at my disease and come to realize that there were parts of it I was hanging on to.  I know that’s so hard to explain.  I do not want to be in pain nor do I want any disease at all. But there was a part of me that became familiar with that ill part of myself.  I’ve been doing a lot of visualization exercises where I release the disease that has grabbed a hold of me.  In a kind of meditation, I close my eyes and watch as I pull the tentacles off of my body – and breath in fresh, clean new air to fill in that part of me that might have chipped off.  I grow back healthy cells that are not in the mood to fight my own self.   Read on for more on Internet Dating with a Chronic Disease, Don’t drink the liquid warning for those with CP, Fentynl & Prednisone effects after 1 year. —>