ACHY BREAKY BONES

I just haven’t been feeling like writing lately.  I’ve been trying very hard to change bad habits and to get my shit together.  So, I’ve restarted my company.  I’ve hired new teammates and have gotten things off the ground again.  The first major task: finances.  I’ve got to get my finances back in order.  I’ve really let it slide the past two years to the point of horrible.  BUT – I can’t get on SSI (disability) unless I have my past two years taxes.  I also can’t get any grants for ANYTHING without the past two years of taxes.  It is truly a mess.  I’m still in the hospital progra 3 times a week working hard on unraveling the years of abuse along with my health issues.  I have so much work to do before I can leave the hospital program.  I’m grateful for it – it’s really helping me get my life back together.

I want to go to sleep!  I have horrific insomnia and forgot to take my medicine tonight.  I tried Geodon but it made me overly tired all through the next week.  So now I am trying neurontin. My Dr is also going to raise my dose of Cymbalta in the hopes of getting me above super depressed.   I’m still so upset that I lost what feels like my entire life to this disease (CP and RA and Lupus).  I have more Lupus symptoms and wondering why it’s still not showing up in my blood work.  UGH!

So last item for the day:  I got this awfully sad email/comment from a reader.  It’s so awful because her husband is only 29 and has chronic pancreatitis – but is still actively drinking.  I couldn’t imagine drinking alcohol with pancreatitis.  My thought: it must not be hurting him as much as mine hurts me.  It’s impossible to have pancreatitis a bad as I have it and even conceive of drinking alcohol.  BUT maybe the difference is that I don’t have pancreatitis from drinking… mine is idiopathic – meaning no reason found.  Well, that’s illogical but…

So it got me curious – Does drinking make RA worse?  How about Lupus? I would imagine it must – but since I don’t drink i can’t say one way or the other.  So I’m setting up a poll to ask exactly this question.

That’s it for me for he night!!  Thank you to all my readers.  May your bones and joints not hurt as much as mine do right now!!  Love, Sasha.

FLEA MARKET

Brief upate.  Im heading out in a few minutes to go to Millie’s cafe for late brunch and a little sight-seeing at the Silverlake Flea Market WITH JAX!!!!  Wish me luck… Oh, wait, it’s totally unreasonable to thnk we’d get back together while I’m in partial hospitalization for severe depression and anxiety.  So wish me luck in a way – that I make him think abut doing naughty things with me when things are better. – There, that sounded more realistic.

PS – my health check in – Pancreas: In check.  But if I eat a hot salsa meal i’ve got to have my Percoset on hand.  I take a very low dose, but can’t leave home without it.  RA: my limp is not so bad today but my feet are swollen 2 shoe sizes.  Looks like a flip-flop day.  Lupus: In the background of everything I do.  Diabetes: No clue?? what can I eat or not eat? UGH!  No money to see the nutritonist so I’ll use splenda and only eat one cupcake tonight.

PSS- Even though I used the “tags” dating with chronic illness, etc… this is not a “date” with Jax.  It’s an outing of two friends.  Jax & I had lived together for 4 years before our split.

Love, Sasha xxoxo